I have to wake up at 6:45 tomorrow for my first day of work. I'm not sure what will happen, because I'm not actually certain that 6:45 in the morning exists--I haven't seen in for so long, for all I know 3 a.m. skips straight to noon. Worse than that, I have to wear "business casual" clothes. I really hope they consider Converses and flip flops business casual, because that's the extent of my shoe collection.
My new favorite person: Joel McHale. Joel, if you happen to spend time Googling your own name and you encounter this blog, I want you to know that it's my dream in life to be one of the people behind the camera on The Soup who laughs or cheers whenever you say something funny. I'm pretty sure I could do "Sooooo Meaty!" for the Chat Soup segment way better than that one chick. If she IS a chick. I don't want to judge.
If I can't do that, I might have to steal Joel G's career aspiration, which is to be a History Channel reenactment actor. "You know that guy who played Nero and just stands around holding his hands up in the air dramatically? I want to be that guy."
Never were there two more determined people.
I'm not going to say anything about the fact that this is my first toon since April. I won't whine about how time consuming it is, or how hard it is to come up with ideas daily. Because let's be honest: plenty of people do harder things everyday, and they don't PISS AND WHINE ABOUT IT!
No more pissing and whining from me...today...
So shut up and enjoy it! If you want un-toon-related news, Joel and I tried yoga today, but we ended up giggling at each other the whole time. Joel sucks at the cobra.
In honor of the fact that Archie will be meeting me in England for my last week there, here's a new rendition of Dino.
Every single muscle in my body is extremely angry at me for going to the gym. They're currently on strike, which means anytime I want to sit up in bed or scratch my armpit, poor Joel has to do it for me. He needs a raise.
Ok ok ok, so those of you keeping tabs on me (mom) may have read earlier that I planned on moving to London for the summer. Uuuh, nope. That didn't quite work out. However, to fulfill my insatiable appetite for England I do plan on taking a backpacking trip in May. After searching to the ends of the earth for a backpacking buddy, I finally found one! Financial situations pending, I think all systems are go. Which means I'm about to spend almost 2,500 dollars! WOOOOOOooooooooo...........damn.
Shut up. I don't want to hear it. I'm lazy and uncreative, that's why.
I've been allowing my mind to wander down memory lane, across the Atlantic and into the heart of Lancashire lately. I've decided I'm going to make Shepherd's pie for dinner, some cheese and onion pasties for lunch, and I've been trying (in vain) to find a website that'll mail me Lucozade Sport. *sigh*
In less depressing news, I've decided to buy a new computer! This will not affect my what must be the handful of fans I've acquired thus far...I just wanted to share my happy news. It's going to be a brown one. I like brown.
Also, I'm tired of Joel playing NCAA football on the Gamecube. I thought about hiding it and saying someone broke in and stole it, but he'd probably see through my poorly planned lie.
Tomorrow UNL starts school again for the second semester. So, as a recent graduate I'd just like to say: NEENER NEENER NEENER! YOU HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL AND I DON'T!
*ahem*
In other news, last night I had a dream that I had somehow time traveled back to the royal courts in Elizabethan England. At first she thought I was a witch and threatened to burn me, until I started telling her about all the cool things the future has, like plumbing and Tylenol. Then I met John Cleese (why he was in 16th century England I don't know), only he was 7'4'' tall. Also, I had crutches. Man, I love dreams!
Know what's awesome? I saw Blue Oyster Cult tonight in concert. Initially, when I learned I'd have the opportunity to see the show, I thought it would be kind of cool in a dorky ironic sort of way. But that was before I realized the members of BOC could shred it like they've got a pair. "Meedlemeedlemee!" twanged their guitars whilst playing such classic hits as "Godzilla," "Don't Fear the Reaper," and "Burnin' for You."
The audience was perhaps even more entertaining, thanks in part to the bar directly outside the front doors of the auditorium. Nothing is more awkward than walking into a room of middle-aged couples and pensioners as a twenty-one year old with a dinosaur on your shirt. "Damn kids," the dude in the "NEED MORE COWBELL" shirt probably thought as Joel and I found or seats just a few spots down from a dude who was air guitaring to the Journey song playing the PA pre-BOC. Two drunk guys spent the entire concert head banging, giving the "rock on" sign, and trying to pick up chicks. Mullets were abundant, and I'm fairly certain I saw the most amazing mullet in all of mulletdom. The front was so short that it almost didn't look like a mullet at all, but upon closer inspection one saw that the front half of this dude's head was basic-training-crew-cut and the back was a ponytail so long it would make Obi-Wan Kenobi blush.
In conclusion, Blue Oyster Cult rocks, still, even though I'm pretty sure only two of the four were original members. And yes, "Don't Fear the Reaper" had some of the best cowbell I've ever heard. Got rid of my fever, I tell you what.
So I've been paying close attention to the election these last few months, and I've come to a conclusion. The fact that the majority of Americans get all of their campaign information through the laughably skewed and deplorably inadequate media filter is a real shame indeed. Stop giving me sound bites. Stop giving me clips of this guy or that gal flip-flopping on some major issue. Stop spending fifteen hours analyzing whether or not Hillary Clinton did, in fact, shed a tear. The fact that you and your fellow hosts think Obama is comparable to JFK couldn't matter less to me.
Is there no other way to get the information I'm looking for? Could someone, anyone, for once, tell me the truth without first consulting his or her army of advisors? Voting's a big deal. It's an important decision and one that we're stuck with for the next four years. I don't want to feel like I'm being duped or having the wool pulled over my eyes. I can handle the truth.
Joel and I made the mistake of buying a Gamecube a couple of days ago. That's not to say a Gamecube isn't a good investment: In fact, right now it's probably the best investment you could possibly make. We bought ours for 30 bucks from a Gamerz less than 48 hours ago and I've already logged well over 16 hours on Paper Mario. As you all know, nothing makes time fly by at astronomical speeds (like this: "ZOOOOM!") than Nintendo. Therefore, in terms of things that occupy my time, the Gamecube was a wise purchase.
Oh, wait. I didn't pay for it. Nevermind all that up there then.
So I've finally got me some jobs for next semester, one as an English mentor at a couple of Elementary schools, and I'll also stay here at the press doing various editing-type job thingermagiggers. Hoorah! I'll save up just enough money in time to spend it all moving away for the summer! A far cooler story, however, is that my small group in Religion class today spent our time discussing how Halo 3 and Kafka are metaphorically related. Shazzam!
I had the most terrible hiccups all day today. They're the sort that punch so hard against your ribcage that it feels like a midget is trying to escape from your torso. In better news, I bought a book about the life of Elizabeth I with my bookstore gift certificate! Like the great Virgin Queen once said, "Ain't nothin' like free books to lift thine spirits, ya dig?"*
*paraphrased slightly.
Chip chip, cheerio!
Big news! I'm done shopping for Christmas! I got Joel *$%@! and some really cool %*!&@. (Can't tell, sorry.) I'm also thirteen short days away from officially gradumatating, even though I'm not going to my ceremony. Instead, I think I'll jump on the bed with a balloon and party streamers and a noise maker and scream, "I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I RULE!"
I think that's a far more entertaining way to celebrate, don't you?
I asked Joel what I should write in my blog. He said, "Say whatever you're thinking." So, here goes:
-I could really use a taco right now. No homemade tacos, either. Those are always crap. Taco Bell tacos. Now that's authenticity.
-What kind of name is Huckabee? Would any of us really want to refer to "President Huckabee" by about this time next year? I didn't think so.
-What's up with paperweights? Why would you buy something whose sole intention is to hold papers down? You can use absolutely anything as a paperweight, yet there is a paperweight industry. Rock-type things with inspirational messages on them, or Your Company Name Here followed by Trendy Graphic. Use a stapler, for crap's sake. Whoever came up with that is a genius.
- I never have said, nor will I ever say the following phrase: "Oh...my...God. I have to have those shoes or I'm going to die." I think I'm a better person because of it.
-This is a list of Joel's favorite words: Poop, butt, hole, meemeshmeemeshmeeme, and any combination of the four. Not unlike a ten year old boy.
- I think Gordon Ramsay is pretty cool. Cranky, kind of, and I rarely hear what he's saying on television because most of it gets bleeped, but I get the general idea. I appreciate his breed of English accent.
- I wonder if the Alphorn is heavy. Are there Alphorn conventions? In which case, does everybody have to drag along their Alphorn in their big gigantic Alphorn case, strapped to the hood of their car, and keep a safe distance from the car in front of them lest the Alphorn puncture their back window? Are they heavy? Is it Ricola pronounced rEEcolah or ricOHlah? They've said it both ways in one commercial.
That was fun.
blue + green = purple. Purple Powerade = (blue + green)(sugar). Therefore, Purple Powerade
÷ drinking = tongue(blue) + poo(green) + teeth(coated in sugar).
I'm gradumatating in 39 days. I'm not actually going, though, so I'll just have to cordially present myself with my diploma later, when I receive it in the mail. Also, it turns out I now need to go shopping for a new wardrobe of nice, business casual clothes for a new job. Anybody who knows anything about me will understand how terrifying that is. In better news, I found a lovely pair of jeans for $30 dollars, and then hell froze over.
Joel asked me what I would do if we ever lived somewhere that didn't have the Food Network or BBC America. I pondered it for a moment, and realized something kind of sad: which basic cable stations are available will play a large part in where I decide to live in my life. Pathetic, but true.
I survived my very first medical study! Aside from the isolation, crappy food, limited internet access, creepy weird people, fifteen bazillion million blood draws, nineteen million gagillion glucose tests, and all or at least most of my urine ending up in various tiny cups, it wasn't too bad. Oh, they put my first IV in incorrectly and the experimental medication started infiltrating into my arm. ROCK ON! Now I eagerly await my $3,000 bucks and hopefully don't die from late-term side effects. Cool.
